When does it get better?
by teknetia
It’s Saturday night and I’m at an incredible Amanda Palmer ninja gig at Carriageworks with friends. The show: amazing. The location: incredible. We had spontaneous dancing during Leeds United, the back of a James Boag’s bottle sung to us, and a mosh pit powered only by a ukulele and good spirits! We laughed and sang along and enjoyed ourselves, met Amanda and her support acts and I caught up with people I haven’t seen for a while (and in some cases haven’t even met before).
Now it’s Sunday afternoon and I’m lying on Bronte Beach with my friends chatting, laughing and generally having a good time in this stunning weather showing Sydney at its best. The water is a perfect temperature and everyone is friendly. I don’t even feel awkward with my shirt off around so many people.
Bronte Beach and Pool
Photo credit: sachman75
But inside I feel completely numb and am bewildered by the person projecting from me. From the outside it is as though nothing has even happened, from the inside it is like nothing will ever be alright.
A few months ago a very close friend of mine was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He is 22 years old, still in university studying to become an architect. This news hit fairly hard, but there was hope that during the next month or so a more accurate overview of the situation would emerge and hopefully the cancer could be pushed into remission with treatment.
On Saturday, he was given just 18 months to live.
Since I received this news I’ve felt like I am somehow removed from my body. How can such a terrible cancer progress so far and do so much damage to someone so young? How does someone so young even develop something as terrible as cancer and why is modern science, with all its incredible abilities, unable to pick it up at a manageable stage?!
I hope there is still a chance that he will get better and will live on to see old age; lord knows I want to enjoy it with him and maybe one day in the future, take him along to an Amanda Palmer gig.
I also hope that I will feel normal inside again soon. I hope that I can continue to spend time with him and can continue to make him feel loved in this world. I’m sure soon enough I will return to my normal state of being the same inside and out, instead of the current disconnect.
Comments
We can get used to anything I suppose. It’s one of the benedictions of the human spirit. It is also one of the tragedies.
I am really sorry to hear about your friend, 22 is so young. I imagine that discordance will be a part of you for years, he has a long journey ahead of him and so do you. I guess he has to learn how to die but also learn how to live all over again. And so do you. I wish love for both of you.